Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i think my cat just said my name.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
