I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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