You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
