R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
