The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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