I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
