The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
