A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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