hell yes lets make some ravioli
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
