Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
