I wish I could punch you in the face.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
