if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
