She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
