i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Randomize
