That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
