I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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