you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
