Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
