the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
