We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
