Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
