you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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