I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
