is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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