No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Your penis caused this!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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