i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
