so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
