I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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