We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
