i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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