I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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