she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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