matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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