I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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