if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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