Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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