the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wanna go halves on a baby?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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