Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
