Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
