You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
