He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We got so high we made milksteak
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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