I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
