ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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