some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
