I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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