I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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