they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
