She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
