I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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