I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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