living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My feet surprised me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
