I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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