all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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