I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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