I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
