If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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