So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
