I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
