Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
