You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
