I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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