a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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